Goodbye Long After-School Naps
Beginning on Monday, for the next two weeks, I’ll be going to school and then coming home for a couple hours and then going back to a classroom for Driver’s Ed. :’(
6PM-9PM, doesn’t that sound horrible? Yeah, considering I generally go to sleep at 9 and with my sleep schedule being messed up from Spring Break, I’ll probably go insane.
End my misery now. Please kill me.
Tommy Pickles is the most inspirational baby ever.
Mom: I signed up for Match.com
Me: How goes it?
Mom: Well I keep getting winked at
Me: That’s good isn’t it?
Mom: My main profile picture is with Lazlo, our cat.
Mom: I think their winking at him
Mom: Not me
Me: How do you know that?
Mom: Because the internet loves cats
Mom: Not almost 50 year old women.
Mom: You know how all women fall in love with a young father hanging out at a park or whatever in public by himself with his baby? It’s probably not even his baby, maybe he borrowed it from his sister. Either way its a chick magnet right?
Mom: I think I just did that with the cat.
Mom: Cats are bro magnets.
Mom: Damn, a cat is going to get me a date.
Me: Welcome to internet dating.
This is wonderful. Every aspect of it.
S - For a Secret
T - For a Turn On
F - For a Fear
O - For an Obsession
L - Something you love
H - Something you hate
P - For a phobia
C - Something you’re craving
This is why I don’t let my brother in my bedroom.
I have all my shit exactly where I want it. I know exactly where it is when I do need it. Movies, books and games on the bookshelf. That’s the way it is.
So when my friend asks me for a movie, I’ll be able to run in the house and out in a second with it. It happens occasionally, like tonight for example.
Want Scott Pilgrim? Oh sure I’ll go in and get it. BUT WAIT, it’s not there. Someone has been fucking with my stuff. I know it was on the shelf just like all my other Michael Cera movies. Juno is there. So is Superbad. Oh, and Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist too. All there but the one I need. Mom doesn’t know where it is. Neither do I.
Okay, well I’ll bring him out Diary of the Dead instead. Come back in, all pissed about not knowing where my movie is. I’ll look for it in a minute. Go in, check and see if Austin’s friend is still here. He is. LO AND FUCKING BEHOLD MY GODDAMN MOVIE, right there in his fucking playstation. Oh yeah, Chey, we’re watching Scott Pilgrim. It’s not lost.
FUCKYOU FUCKYOU FUCKYOU FUCKYOU FUCKYOU FUCKYOU FUCKYOU FUCKYOU
Mom didn’t get it for him. He put his fucking disgusting hands on my stuff. This is why I need a door and a lock.
Watched so many good movies this weekend
- The Pagemaster
- The Lion King
- Rugrats Go To Paris
- The Butterfly Effect
- The Shawshank Redemption
wake up in the middle of the night to pee:
avoid all mirrors
airplane engine makes a sudden noise:
i lived a good life
hear thumps while in shower:
whole family is being killed and you’re next
turns off all lights before going to bed:
omg run for the bed before the demons get you
elevator door doesn’t immediately open :
realize it’s too quiet, where’s everyone?
oh god zombies.
The shower one